The Scars and Its Elixir

Life has been hard lately. I didn't think I would come this far only to find out that I need therapy. I know life has thrown its grande problem to me ever since. It will never be okay or enough, I'll never be able to walk my life as normal as somebody else. The fact slaps and reality bites. You're holding on towards something bigger which works merely like a domino effect. It means that when you're doing bad today, it will be more difficult for your tomorrow because you have to get all your shit together before starting over again. Careful, all fellas in line, shit it out beautifully!!!- hehe seems like now we're competing against each other, the fact that no, people, no. Chill out, we're competing against our past cliche.

Now, the fact that people my age starting a new family or posting their skyrocketing career doesn't annoy me that much again. Well, I mean it has somehow made me think that my self-worth is less than theirs. I think that my choice to resist the hype of love stories or fairy tales after being broken-hearted is a crooked choice. What annoys me so much now is the reality that put me in a deep dark hole called past decision. The present reality as a result of my impulsive, sloppy, and improper past decision.

I regularly question my decision, what I've said/tweeted/thought, because I know it will affect my future life. I tend to be so hotheaded when it comes to people commenting about something in myself which of course I didn't ask them to :) Back then, I backfired their comments with the same curse. now, I realize what I did was just as dark as my scars.

I'm more than concerned with all those people calling out myself as fat, unworthy of love, or too ambitious for a career. How dare you say such a thing knowing that you never really walk in my shoes? I'm so sorry if there were scars in you, something that you projecting by cursing someone else. I know what it feels like, but I seek for help, I cried my heart out, I eliminated all the expletives before they touch you directly. I've been a shitty person all my life, I thought this was karma, but I stand up and correct my behavior. Made up the new mold so that my future self will be happier cherish this day as a warm nostalgic past.

So, what is the elixir to my scars? it's the term of letting go. You have no control over what's gonna happen, but you can decide to what extent will you survive. Let it be. 

This is the last line, the rest is just me giving myself encouragement and affirmation :) Hope you feel good about yourself, being loved and in love with everything that you do, surrounded by kind people and spread kindness as well!

My wounded heart, my lovely mind, my disastrous triteness, all that bring me closer to the elixir. I thank myself for being so incredibly strong. You're worthy of a bright and better future. You're more than enough, be it with someone you love or not. You're the complete whole package of love. Please consider that you already did something good, albeit there's so much unchecked checklist in your pocket, that is okay. You can try again tomorrow.