The Captive of Love

It's exciting to hear love stories, high school sweethearts who end up being together even years after high school ends. Unfortunately, not everyone deserves beautiful love stories and fairy tales. It seems like the phrase "life's not always rainbows and butterflies" is real!

Yup, I must say that I'm one of those people who don't experience fairy tales all my life. (chill- it doesn't mean you'll never). Once I fell in love with someone I thought was made for my eternity, but surprise, nothing last forever in life, let alone something that you find randomly in your college life HAHA.

I refuse to believe that we're heading toward a big problem which of course not only we couldn't handle but also would be our total deadlock. I watch Disney princess a lot. I do believe in magic and all epilogue which said: "happily ever after". Until there come one rainy day (literally and figuratively) where I received a phone call, a final determination, the end page of those long stories. My love story ends in sorry.

I denied all the possibility to realize my new status, I rejected the fact that it was my last page, I couldn't write anything again after that day. I wasted my energy, our plan is pointless, my love frittered away.

I put my angst till it fully occupies my head. I act based on my head's direction, rage is in control of me. I regularly have my meltdown, before going to work, in the middle of lunch break, after hours, it doesn't matter whether it's weekday or weekend.

I cried till I have nothing to cry about, I look for a haven that will listen to my story without judging or telling me what I did wrong. All I have to do is look up to what I've forgotten in the meantime, I once have dreams that you shattered down, I once live through positive minds that you blew up.

A year after those thunderstorms, I nonchalantly decided to be alone forever (HA HA HA). I briefly made a breakdown about what it costs me to live a happy life alone. Turned out, it costs me my peace y'all hahaha why? because, no way Asian parents would let their kids (especially, the daughter) live alone forever. I freshly turned 24 the time I made that resolution, yet my mom told me to be okay and let it be like 1000 times per day :) She knew me very well, she knew I'll never be okay to stand betrayal and everything.

Despite all my preparation to live alone, I tried close friend bumble LOL. I asked my friends to be my matchmaker (by said my friends, it means every single one of them. I asked them directly. what a shame hahaha). OMG, the urge to left the loneliness sped up by the time.

But, do being treated poorly make me change my direction concerning love? No. I'm longing for a true significant other who shares the same direction and language toward love. I'm still against infidelity. Period. I think we can love wholeheartedly while fully realizing all the risks because everything comes with terms and conditions, right?. Once you agree to sign up yourself to those lists then voila! Be prepared for the worst. You know what? If you keep doing whatever floats your boat, although it seems like nonsense and quite impossible, nonetheless you'll get closer to your stopping place. Never let this port of call stop you from doing so. Just go for it!

It's all the price I have to pay after years of being the captive of something I thought was love. I shouldn't take it deeply, maybe just be another regular person with a common mindset. I shouldn't take it deeply before I checked all of my screening questions. I should have known better (at least after this post up in my blog)

But, yeah maybe I should stop correcting how I give love. That's okay to choose to be the right and decent person in a relationship. That's very good to always choose faithful over treachery. This line isn't my verdict of what is my exes look like, but I thank Taylor Swift for describing them very well!

Hehe fun fact of this messy piece: It is neatly arranged according to 5 stages of grief by Kubler-Ross :)